Its 4am on Christmas Eve morning. Hunter is sleeping in my lap. The same rosy cheeks that came from a bout of crying now make him look like a little cherub as he snoozes.
Dennis and I went to Wal-mart last night, to pick up a few odds and ends for Christmas. While shopping I ran into an old friend from High School; I hadn’t seen her in a long time. She looked sad, so amidst our cordial “how are you” and “hellos” I asked if she was ok. “Not really, I just buried my son today”. It was as if icy cold water had been thrown on me. “Oh my God! I am so sorry!” Our idle chatter suddenly turned into a very emotional, heartfelt exchange…

Her baby died in the womb. From our conversation it seemed as though he was just about full term. She had to go through the birthing experience, even knowing what was in store. I told her I understood, I told her about Hunter. We hugged. My mind and heart have been with her all night. I am heart broken for her. I sat in bed pondering her story and ours…making comparisons and crying for us both.

It is a hard road Dennis and I are on and trust me, I am kicking and screaming, not wanting to travel it and dreading our destination; scenic route please. Still, how can I be bitter when on this night, I can go home to my baby and hug and cuddle him? She can’t. I can buy gifts for him and revel in the holiday season. She can’t. This realization made me feel grateful; it made me feel guilty.

For all of you that have your children this night, hold them tight. A squalling baby, keeping you awake; a surly teenager; giving you heartbreak; a special needs child, giving you challenges....celebrate with gratitude and joy. You can hold them, kiss them, touch them, you can smell their scent, bury your face in their hair, tell them you love them…never take that for granted.

For those of you that have lost a child, please know that they are not lost. They are around you in spirit and in your heart. Feel their love, cherish their memory and know that you will see them again one day; I truly believe that; I have to believe that.

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas full of laughter and love. I have to go now, I need to change the cherub’s diaper.